On Relationship
I'm New Here - Offering 9
Hello, and welcome back to the ninth offering of “I’m New Here,” a newsletter about finding grounding and connection in changing times. Thank you as always for reading, and welcome to new subscribers! 📬
One of the most disorienting elements of an overseas move was the sudden (if somewhat naive) realisation that our lives are not an ever-flowing stream of a single, carefully crafted experience, but rather glimmers of goodness that take many shapes and forms. Or put more simply - our time is a film unfolding, not a photograph static in time.
If one is so lucky as to be surrounded by beautiful chosen family, the passage of time can feel like a dinner party that nobody wants to end - can’t we just continue to come together in this way, as often as we can for as long as we have? Like a nostalgic song or show from one’s childhood, I long harboured this feeling - a desire to return to a source of such joy and comfort in a relatively unchanging form.
But our time here isn’t so simple. Our lives are filled with unexpected, unpredictable and unimaginable joys, heartaches and change. We fall in and out of love, change jobs and geographies, feel the passage of time in our hellos and goodbyes, and bear witness to forces that feel bigger than ourselves shape and shift the world around us. To take a step back and ground myself in this truth makes the sharing of even a single moment that becomes a memory more than a little miraculous.
And so, as we all move through the constellation of changes that are responsible for the depth and richness in our lives, I’ve been reflecting a lot upon what it means to not just be in relationship, but to be in enduring relationship. To continue to nurture, invest in and foster relationship when the love shared can sometimes feel like the only constant.
How do I stay connected and close to loved ones when the regular sharing of a meal shifts to a less consistent phone call?
What does it look like to have a presence in the lives of the newly arrived little ones of those I hold dear?
And how do I hold space to mourn relationships where our paths have diverged?
These reflections have been both personal and communal - what can I do, and what we can do together? As we collectively push back against the forces of capitalism and colonisation, continuing to commit to unlearning their sources of validation reminds me to prioritise relational investments - we are each so much more than the distance we travel up an organisational chart or the size of our bank accounts. And there is more that I can do on a daily basis - from coming to connection from a place of abundance (there are so many ways to stay close, from voice notes to visits with those abroad) to being truly present in special moments with loved ones (as there’s no guarantee of how many of those we’ll have).
To grow our capacity to love, and continue to love, not in spite of but in celebration of all the change that comes to us through time - this is something I want to continue to hold and to explore, and do so alongside this virtual community:
How are you holding relationship across the changing chapters of life, and what questions are you still holding around being in enduring relationship?
Sparks 💥
To close out each newsletter, I offer a few things that have “sparked” something for me (joy, reflection, pause) - here are a couple from the past couple of weeks:
Watching a virtual event for the launch of Hanif Abdurraqib’s new book (my copy finally arrived!) belatedly introduced me to another beautiful writer - I’ve been sitting with and reflecting upon Ross Gay’s Inciting Joy, which has truly been a joyful experience. I’ve also picked up his Book of Delights, which now sits on my nightstand as a little reminder to actively seek out and cherish the magical and mundane every day.
As one more likely to be lost on my bicycle than lost in the Netflix navigation (is it just me, or has it gotten more daunting to try to find something to watch? 👴🏼), I’ve appreciated the podcast Commotion, hosted by Elamin Abdelmahmoud. Wide ranging in its topics, with great guests, it keeps me connected to parts of pop culture that would otherwise pass me by (a bit like all those e-bike riders…).